Towards Cinque Terre

Motorhoming around Europe always seemed like a very romantic and exotic thing to do, and for the most part it really is. The one caveat is bathroom-related, and there’s little romance to be had there. Seven-or-so days without the opportunity to empty the chemical toilet left a big impression on us when we started driving, and…sloshing. It was time to open the windows wide and breathe through our mouths only. I was just grateful the weather had turned and most drivers had their windows up.

So, suffice to say our departure from Paris was less than comfortable, and after a couple of false starts and an awkward attempt in French to request access to a locked outside bathroom at a petrol station (Non, non, non, c’est fermer!), we found a public bathroom to empty at; the less said about that experience, the better.

Able to breathe again, we continued on down the motorway. We stopped for lunch at a little town along the way, all narrow lanes with very old-looking buildings, surrounded by farmland. After lunch, once the shops had re-opened, we walked down to the boulangerie (bakery) to get a baguette and same bread, and had a very satisfying French language encounter with the lovely woman working the counter.

Onwards, regretfully taking the toll roads as we were in a hurry, and the alternative non-toll route would’ve been nearly double the time, an extra 7 hours driving over a couple of days, and not feasible. We slept the night in a quite lovely aire just off the motorway, and pressed onwards the next day.

Stopped in a lay-by with a petrol station, restaurant and supermarket, and I made a rather elaborate dal for lunch that turned out to be awesome. We stopped at a McDonalds to work through our separate to-do lists using their wifi (from Nettle, parked outside), each of which was very, very long. Four exhausting hours later, we were hungry and very ready to stop for the night, but we had to drive for quite a while before we found anywhere to park — a rather charmless petrol station/diner lay-by, but it didn’t matter!

Another day, another novel bathroom experience — the toilets in the rest stops here are just trays with two slightly raised treads to squat on. Unfortunately, however, the moment one attempts said squat, the flush sensor at the back of the stall is triggered and water (in the best case scenario) splashes over your feet — unless you jump out of the way first. I had repeated this careful lowering followed by a leap out of the way of the torrent several times before I gave up. There must be some trick to it, but I don’t know what it is!

We filled up with water (a rather frustrating bit of communication to determine whether the petrol station’s tap had drinkable water), did some hand-washing of laundry, then headed onwards. A few hours later, with the scenery getting ever-prettier, we caught a flash of blue through the trees beside the motorway — it was a turquoise-coloured lake, Lac d’Aiguebelette in the Massif region. We left the motorway and took a closer look on foot. When the sun shone, the blue of the lake was breathtaking.

A little further down the motorway, we started seeing mountains on the horizon, then we were in the Alps! Breathtakingly enormous mountains, often with beautiful little villages tucked into the sides, or perched atop outcrops.

Then before we know it, while passing through a long tunnel that, incidentally, cost us about $70 to in tolls to pass through, we passed a tiny blue sign with a ring of stars on it and the word “Italia” — we were in Italy!

Things got rapidly less attractive, unfortunately, as we headed through Torino, and after many hours of hoping to find somewhere to stop for the night, we settled for another car park in a service area beside the motorway.

The next day, we drove on, fuelled up, and then caught our first view of the coast, from a part of the motorway high on the mountains above the sea, crossing a high bridge and moving on into towns packed to the gills with ochre-coloured high-rise apartments. Quite spectacular, in an icky way. The motorway wove through this landscape, sweeping over and under other lesser roads, like a huge roller-coaster.

Finally, Nigel told us to take an exit, and we passed through the final toll booth (about AU$270 of tolls all up!) and onto extremely windy roads switchbacking down steep mountainsides above azure sea, into villages of B&Bs, ramshackle buildings, bicycles, grape vines and decrepit farm machinery. We had arrived.

Mobile Broadband in France

Bad news in France: The mobile broadband market here is very un-competitive — the French are very behind the times when it comes to 3G. Lame, France.

I’m amazed that telcos are allowed to use the word ‘unlimited’ (or rather, illimité), when the quotas behind the scenes are not only present, but so restrictive. Where are the consumer protection organisations in all this?

I hear that a French address may be required to buy a PAYG sim card, at least with Orange, and possibly with other carriers. Not sure how to get around that one — some people (like this person) have bought SIM cards on eBay.fr first.

I think Auchan have the least worst option, although it is quite poor. Anyway, the options, such as they are:

Auchan

Auchan offer a mobile internet service, sans engagement: €20 for the SIM card including 5 hrs use/250 Mb) or €30 for a modem too (2 hrs/250 Mb included), then €30 gets you a month of access with a 2 GB quota.

It is unclear on whether VoIP is allowed: There is a notice saying it is prohibited underneath the hourly recharge options (presumably including the time included with the starter kits), but nothing underneath the monthly options. This may be careless copywriting, or VoIP may actually be allowed with the monthly options.

The monthly options are described as ‘un compte bloqué’ (a locked account), which may mean they’re only available when you buy the locked modem. I’m awaiting clarification from their sales team.

Orange

Orange offer pre-paid mobile broadband, but the available offers are appalling. Orange limit use by time, and the most one can buy is 4 hours for — wait for it — €20. Ouch.

The only other option I could find is to get a ‘Mobicarte‘ SIM card for €15, then equip it with the ‘Internet Max‘ option which for €12/month gets you “unlimited” Internet access which is really a 500 Mb quota (shaped after), with no email included (they presumably do deep packet inspection, identifying IMAP/POP/SMTP traffic and charging it separately), VoIP prohibited, and use on a computer (with a modem) prohibited. Unlimited indeed. While they offer a slightly less horrendous offer to iPhone users, it apparently isn’t available to Mobicarte customers.

SFR

SFR have an ‘SFR La Carte‘ offer, €15 for a SIM card, then customers with an iPhone can recharge with an option which gives ‘unlimited’ Internet access for a certain number of days, e.g. 20 days for €20. The small print says what you actually get is 500 Mb quota (shaped after), no VoIP or modem/computer use.

The only other option with SFR is their Pass Internet 3G+ which, like Orange, offers time-limited ‘passes’, at outrageous prices: €26 for 8 hours, €40 for 15 hours. Wow. This may also require you to buy a modem from them.

Bouygues

Bouygues offer a pre-paid SIM card for €15, then you can select an internet access offer which costs €2 per day for 10 Mb, and €8 for the day if you exceed 10 Mb (lasts until midnight). VoIP and modem use aren’t allowed.

Local broadband countries